


Moving Forward

by poenova



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Ben Mitchell Loves Callum "Halfway" Highway, Boys Kissing, Break Up Talk, Declarations Of Love, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Look At Your Life Look At Your Choices, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23334079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poenova/pseuds/poenova
Summary: After Callum and Ben's fight, after all their fights and all their break-ups was this the one to finally make Callum think he deserved better than Ben Mitchell?
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell, Kathy Beale & Ben Mitchell, Kathy Beale/Callum "Halfway" Highway
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69





	Moving Forward

**Author's Note:**

> The timeline is a bit wack here but work with me. This is happening about a month after the boat accident. It is happening directly after the events of Tuesday 24th March episode where Callum and Ben fight and "break up".

Even after all their fights, all their arguments and all their break-ups, this one felt different. This one felt final. It hurt more. 

The kitchen felt as though a hurricane had just passed through it. The tense air had yet settled and felt thick and dense around them. Ben’s hand was still red and sore from banging it on the countertop. Even the door, still slightly askew from where Callum had opened it to leave.

Ben, tucked deep into Callum’s embrace, felt his racing heartbeat echoing in Callum’s chest. Callum was gently stroking Ben’s hair. Seconds ago he was ready to leave and now he was back where he swore he wouldn’t... he couldn’t, be. The soft scent of Ben’s shampoo wafted up to Callum, who was trying his best to not get tempted to sleep with him. This was how their fights usually ended, raised voices into sultry moans. And the bedroom was so close, only a couple of metres away. The temptation was too much. He cared for Ben so deeply it physically hurt Callum to see him cry, as though he was crying himself. These tears they shared. He touched Ben’s chin, lifting his face up to his, and wiped a tear from his cheek. He smiled a tiny smile that had somehow managed to creep its way onto his face unwillingly. Callum led Ben upstairs but to Callum’s surprise they did not have sex. They lay in bed together, holding each other for hours. Outside, there was still a bustle of people, coming back from work, coming home from the pub or going out to the pub. Here though it was calm, sereen, still. Callum’s grip would sometimes lose its tightness and Ben would immediately turn more into the embrace as if to say ‘don’t let go please’. Callum felt so comfortable here it scared him. He couldn’t be this guy anymore. He wouldn’t let himself become it. The consolation prize. This is what Callum was thinking of while in bed with the love of his life and that thought alone made him cry. 

Ben woke up alone. 

2 days had passed and Callum had not heard anything from Ben and vice versa. Callum had checked his phone more times than he could count those 2 days. Every chime, every noise he thought was Ben trying to reach him. Was that what he wanted though? He spent so much time being Ben’s safety net, being there for him and getting him out of all kinds of trouble. Lately, being with Ben felt as much like a job as it did being in a relationship. What was he getting out of it? Ben hadn’t even admitted how he felt about him. This was a one-way relationship and Callum was tired of it…

Then he remembered…

It was a week after the Boat accident. 

_Callum entered the flat after a long day. He took a look around and couldn’t see Ben. He took out his phone and texted him._

_ > Hey babe, I’m home. <_

_“Don’t come into the bedroom” Ben shouted back quickly._

_Callum chuckled and texted back._

_ > You decent? ;) <_

_“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Ben shouted back._

_Callum laughed and headed to the fridge to grab a beer. He swung the door open to reveal a poorly stocked fridge. Beer on one shelf and some opened packets of veg on another. Then he noticed a bottle of champagne in one of the racks but he thought nothing of it. Maybe it’s Stuart’s and he’s surprising Rainie with something. Callum tries to not think about his brother’s sex life as much as possible but it’s hard in a two bed flat with thin walls._

_Callum slumped into the couch and switched on the tv, remembering to switch on the subtitles. It was the new episode of Celebrity Great British Bake Off and Callum gets all excited when Bake Off is on. Callum quickly took out his phone again, almost dropping it._

_ > Babe, it’s Bake Off tonight, we forgot! Come in here! <_

_“I’m coming. Give me 2 secs.” Ben sighed back. He knew how crazy Callum got when Bake Off was on._

_Ben left the bedroom sneakily and made sure to carefully close the door behind him. He went over to the couch to sit with his boyfriend. Taking up his usual position, head on Callum’s lap and feet sprawled out on the coffee table. Callum slapped Ben’s legs, telling him to get them off the table._

_“Yes dear” Ben smiled._

_Ben began to lightly stroke Callum’s forearm with his fingers. Less in a sultry way but more possessive and guarding way. He felt Callum’s belly go up and down as he breathed and laughed and every now and again he would jerk as Callum passionately pointed out something one of the bakers was doing wrong, as if he knew any better._

_Ben took a deep breath, as if he was preparing for something and he looked up to Callum._

_“Hey Cal, fancy going to bed? I’m pretty tired.”_

_Callum, still engrossed in the next episode, was only half paying attention._

_“Huh, babe. What was that?” He turned to look Ben directly in the eyes._

_Ben let out an exaggerated yawn and repeated his question._

_“Yeah but Ben, it’s the final episode. You go on ahead, I'll be with ya in a bit.” He planted a sweet kiss on Ben’s forehead._

_Ben got up, his slouchy back and slow walk to the bedroom clearly a metaphor for his disappointment. Callum smiled at him, noticing him in his peripheral vision, him making a stop at the fridge and grabbing something slyly before heading to bed._

_30 minutes passed. Callum switched off the tv, letting all the light leave the room, since it had gotten dark outside now. He took the empty beer cans to the recycling bin, clattering them in and then wincing at the sound. Just as he was making his way to their room, the front door aggressively was kicked open. Stuart, with a drunken Rainie in his arms, clattered into the flat. He was singing some song Callum didn’t fully understand._

_“Stuart, what the hell?!” Callum tried to shout quietly, to no avail._

_“Stuart! Ben’s sleepi…” Callum tried to plead, but at that moment Ben opened the bedroom door. Callum noticed candle light flickering in the background. Ben immediately shut the door again._

_“Babe, you coming to bed… What the hell is going on here?”. Ben shouted in surprise. Callum then realised he would have been completely unaware of the noise they had made coming in._

_Stuart began to cackle and Rainie, clearly too drunk to do anything else, joined in. Stuart swanned over to the couch and dropped Rainie in a heap. She screamed jokingly._

_Callum stomped over to Stuart and grabbed him to one side._

_“What the hell is this Stuart?”_

_“Hey bro! Oh my god we look so similar!”_

_“Hopefully not,” Ben snarked under his breath, arms crossed._

_“Okay Stuart, why don’t I get you a glass of water.” Callum sighed._

_“Or another beer,” Stuart laughed and Rainie echoed._

_“Alright” Callum said, exasperated. He walked over to the fridge. Ben followed._

_“I’m sorry babe, I had no idea he was coming back tonight.” Callum sighed, wiping his brow._

_Ben went to go hug him from behind, resting his head on Callum’s shoulder as the cold light from the fridge lit up their faces. Callum smiled. He reached into the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. The fridge looked emptier than before._

_He then moved over to the recycling to get out an empty beer can. He filled it with water and gave it to his brother._

_“I ever tell you how smart you are?” Ben laughed quietly._

_Callum looked to Ben and replied jokingly, “Not enough.” They kissed._

_“You mind if we go to yours tonight? I’m not in the mood for a night of this.” Callum stated, gesturing to his drunk brother._

_Ben’s face dropped._

_“Of course, yeah. No worries. Why don’t you wait here? I'll go get your stuff from the, um, room.” Ben quickly replied. Callum nodded and they kissed again as Ben left._

_“Oooo” Rainie swooned._

_“Alright love birds” Stuart slurred._

_Ben came out of the room, 5 minutes later, with a couple of bags. He smiled and cocked his head at Callum. Callum, at this point was in the middle of Stuart/Rainie sandwich on the couch, desperation in his eyes. Ben wondered how he got there, but knowing Callum he was probably being nice and got tied up in something he didn’t want to be tied up in. Ben put down Callum’s bag. He wrinkled his eyes, mouthed goodnight and with a small smile, blew a kiss over to his man._

Callum’s eyes widened. He’d not thought about that night since it happened and now it all clicked into place. Why was he such a blind idiot?! He had to find Ben.

Almost forgetting his keys, Callum darted out the flat into the street below. His head twisted violently from side to side as he checked both ways before crossing the street. Even in times of personal crisis, Callum was a sucker for safety. He ran over to The Mitchell's house and banged on the door.

“Ben?!” He shouted desperately.

“Ben are you in there?” He continued.

Kathy answered. 

“Callum, what’s going on?” She was confused.

“Kathy? Have you seen Ben?” 

“I ain’t seen him since yesterday morning, he said he was going out.” 

“He ain’t been back?”

“No. Why Callum? Should I be worried?” Kathy’s voice started to shake.

“I dunno Kath. We kind of broke it off, well not in so many words. I mean, I left him.” Callum was reluctant to say.

“What? You don’t think he’d do anything stupid do ya?” Kathy pleaded.

Callum paused for a moment, long enough to imagine the worst situation and long enough for Kathy to see it in his eyes. 

“Callum Highway?”

“Kath, I’m sure he’s fine. I just need to find him.” 

“You’ve tried his phone I guess?” 

“First thing.”

“Hang on, I’m getting my coat.” Kathy’s voice trailed as she ran back inside, determined to find her idiot son.

Callum waited on the porch, nervously biting his thumb nail. He was dressed in his work suit and looked like he was heading to a funeral. Kathy was there to snap him out of his daze. 

An hour later, Kathy and Callum had split up to find Ben. They had tried all the regular places: The Arches, The Vic, The Car Lot and The Cafe, they’d even begun knocking on people’s houses like a proper police search. Maybe it was overreacting, but once your mind goes to that place it’s almost impossible to bring it back. And if Ben was hurt or in a mindset where he could hurt himself, Callum sure wasn’t going to stand around and do nothing. He’d rather seem like a crazy madman than lose him properly. 

He’d texted Ben about 50 times. His texts ranged from moderately calm to frantic but mostly they just asked, please. Please text me back. Let me know that you’re ok. That I’m mad for running about after you. Please text me back. Please. 

This was scarier than lying in that abandoned warehouse because at least there he knew Ben was out there looking for him, he was 100% certain Ben would find him because he knew Ben would never give up on....

Callum’s eyes got teary and his legs couldn’t keep up with the speed his mind was running at. He raced all the way there, barely stopping to breathe. Pushing open the giant metal gates and stumbling, breathless, past old oil drums and planks of nail-ridden wood, he saw him. Sitting alone, in that same warehouse, legs dangling over the platform where Callum had fallen.

“Ben.” Callum’s teary call fell on deaf ears but just to say his name out loud was comfort enough. He gently walked over to Ben and lowered himself to sit down beside him. 

Ben’s head jerked at the sudden movement beside him. When he saw it was Callum, he couldn’t control the tears from his eyes. His head felt like it weighed a tonne and it fell onto Callum’s shoulder. He reached his arms to cradle Ben, holding him tight. Being sure Ben was watching his lips move Callum began to speak, words surrounded by the sounds of his muffled sniffles and tears.

“I was worried about you.”

“I’m sorry.” Ben whimpered.

“You’re sorry? I’m sorry.”

Ben’s head lowered but Callum was right there to pick it up again.

“I’m sorry Ben. I’m sorry I left like that, without even saying anything but I think I thought I’d said it all the night before. Truth is, I hadn’t said anything that night that I truly wanted to say.”

Callum took a deep breath in.

“When I heard from your mum that you’d stolen that car, that you’d picked that other guy up in the bar the biggest thing I felt wasn’t betrayal or hurt. I felt this overwhelming sense of deja-vu. That was the scariest thing. I should’ve been mad that my boyfriend lied to me but instead I just felt exhausted. I don’t want to live like that anymore Ben. I can’t keep living my life thinking when’s the next time Ben’s going to fuck up.” 

“Callum, I’m a Mitchell and we’re not good at… expressing ourselves, but I need you to know that you’re the most important thing in my life right now. I need you to know that. I’ve treated you bad and you’re worth so much more than me. You know what? I wasn’t even surprised when I woke up and you were gone, I felt relieved for you. Like thank god he doesn’t have to deal with this, with me, anymore.” Ben cried.

“Ben, you’re not a burden. I love you.”

“Sometimes the things you love aren’t good for ya. I’m not good for you, I’m not good for anyone Callum.” 

Callum’s heart broke hearing this.

“You are my Ben. You may be a pain in my arse but I can’t picture any moment of my life where you’re not in it. Do you know how scared I was today, thinking maybe you’d done something to yourself? Ben, I could hardly form full sentences, I was running around like a madman in the square.”  
The tiniest chuckle came from Ben. The sound broke through the tears as loud as a foghorn. 

“I know I’ve given you no reason to believe this, but I want to change Cal. I’m a stubborn son of a bitch but I know I can, for you. I know it’s the first time I’m saying this but I think you already knew, I love you Cal.” 

Callum smirked.

“I love you too Ben Mitchell.” 

Callum and Ben touched foreheads, they felt as though they could have stayed there forever. As their heads moved to opposite sides, they slowly touched lips into a long, desperate kiss. Callum’s thumbs rubbing each side of Ben’s head and Ben’s arms wrapped around Callum’s neck. 

Where only a couple of weeks ago one of them was hours from death in this very warehouse, they now both sat, staring down at the site, in each other's arms again. It was a perfect moment. Only slightly ruined when Callum realised he had forgotten to tell Kathy he’d found Ben safe and sound. 

As they were leaving the warehouse, hand in hand, they could see Kathy stood outside a parked car down the road. She waved a slightly sarcastic wave at them.

“Ben?”

“Hmm?” Ben mumbled, his hand tightly gripping Callum’s.

“You remember when Stuart and Rainie came back blind drunk to the flat that one night, after the accident?”

“I guess.”

“Did I miss something?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. Did they ruin something?”

“They might have.” Ben smirked.

“Oh really? And what exactly did they ruin.” Callum enquired cheekily.

“No, no, it doesn’t matter now.” Ben shrugged.

“What?” 

“Yeah, I mean that’s in the past now.” Ben said, hiding a smile.

“Right well.” Callum let go of Ben’s hand and walked forward a bit.

“Cal?” Ben shouted after him.

Callum didn’t turn around. He crossed his arms and huffed like a child. If this was the way Ben was going to play it, Callum was going to play along. Then Callum saw the look on Kathy’s face from her car.

“Callum Highway will you please turn around now.” Ben laughed.

Callum turned to face Ben but when he turned his eyes didn't meet Ben’s eyes. He had to lower them because Ben was on one knee.

“What the fuck?” Callum said, startled, immediately regretting that choice of words.

“That night, the one your neanderthal brother ruined, I was in a bad place. It was a week after Dennis’ death, after losing my hearing, after almost losing you, and I was just about ready to give up. Then, I remember getting up in the morning and hearing parts of the stupidest song coming from the kitchen and there you were, dancing, at 7 in the morning. You told me afterwards it was a Ricky Martin song. To be honest you could have been dancing to anything at that moment. Your hair was all messy and ungelled, you had on my bathrobe even though it’s too short on you. You were making scrambled eggs on toast even though it smelt more like burnt wood and you turned and smiled at me, this amazing big smile. I made a decision that morning, that waking up next to you and hearing your bad reprisals of Ricky Martin songs was how I wanted to wake up every day. Callum Highway…”

Callum hadn’t breathed yet, his face was a gorgeous red and though he had thought he had used up his daily quota of tears, there were some more welling in his eyes. 

“... Will you move in with me?” 

“Oh thank god, you bastard, I thought you were proposing. I am way too young to get married” Callum and Ben both laughed.

“I knew that the one-knee thing would freak you out, just thought it would be funnier that way.” 

Callum smacked him on the arm. 

“Ouch! Is that a yes?” Ben smirked.

“Yes.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”


End file.
